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@ Susan’s response to A.

I’m of two minds about this.  First of all, a women’s objective attractiveness has a lot to do with any approach being successful.  “Friends first” seems to be a good strategy to use for reasonably attractive girls to bag betas or commitment oriented alphas because their approach to relationships depends much less on the emotional context.

For alphas and most women, how a person is viewed emotionally at that minute is a much more important factor in getting them to maintain the proper vibe.

Even if a woman likes a guy for 3 months, there is no excuse for not knowing where he stands on attraction.  By the time a relationship lasts that long, you’ve already past the point where you can flat out ask about his interest without looking like a slut.

If you’re still worried about looking like one, I’d recommend a sequence like this:

1.  Explain your personal mating strategy / philosophy in detail

2.  List the qualities he’s demonstrated that you find attractive.  Keep this list to non-trivial and non-shallow things.  The main thing is that these reasons should not be the product of a rationalization hamster.

3.  You now have logical reason to be attracted, so you can state this openly without looking like a slut.

The above procedure may seem very forward / alpha, but this depends on your exact delivery.  Because of step 1, you can spend a great deal of time on how you’ve thought out your philosophy.  Introspection and deep thought are beta qualities.

45ExNewYorker October 6, 2011 at 5:22 pm
@Susan

“I think you’re onto something there – women probably can succeed with a friend-zone approach to start”

I can’t believe I’m supporting LJBF as a strategy. That being said, starting as friends first can work, if you know the pros and cons.  It worked on me, with the first woman I was deeply involved with.  We were friends for a couple of years (she was dating someone else for a large part of that time), so when she and her boyfriend broke up, she easily escalated our friendship.

The pros: You can take your time an ascertain a lot more about the guy.  You can avoid early escalation before you feel comfortable being more than friends.  You can pursue this strategy with multiple guys, even at the same time.  You can gauge his attraction to you over a longer time period (to get a better estimate),.