Love & Appearance

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  9. Girl: "What's your name?"
  11. A little something about women? A woman will never go out of her way to introduce herself, unless she is the host, or she finds you attractive. One of the two. And she isn't the host. Boyfriend or not, women are always keeping an eye out for a better opportunity, if you catch my drift.
  13. She takes my picture, that she desperately needs to put on facebook, because damn, I look good as fuck in it. I then let out a fart while I'm changing into my Mirror Lake clothes. She looks at me in disbelief...
  15. Me: "Yeah, I did it."
  17. And I let out another one, while popping a blood vessel...
  19. Vanilla: "Are you jumping in?"
  21. AM I JUMPING IN!? OF COURSE I'M FUCKING JUMPING IN. WHAT KIND OF DUMB FUCKING QUESTION IS THAT!? How the fuck could I be -Rock You Like A Hurricane- if I was afraid of a little ice cold freezing water!?
  23. Mirror Lake. Look around. Fuck this shit. Smilez and I go jumping in. If you look at any pictures of the lake, just look for the only black person in the freezing cold water, and I'm sure you'll see me.
  25. I then get out, and try to push in the fucking pansies that are afraid of water. A girl grabs me and takes my picture with her fancy professional camera. Fuck this shit. I'm freezing, and I'm wet. We jog back, and I jump on every dry person I see. Yes, I am being a jackass. Yes, I am drunk. And yes, everyone loves me.
  27. The guys who live over at Vanilla's call first in the shower. Not if I have anything to say about it. I run back, jump in the shower before everyone, and use all of the hot water. Gotta love me.
  29. We get dressed and head out. I give a few lessons on approaching women while I'm out. I then see two Asian girls I know from high school...
  31. Them: "Omari, you're an asshole."
  33. That's OK, because you're fat now, and I fucked your cousin. Yeah, she has a sideways vagina. Satisfied, we leave Skye Bar for McFaddens.
  35. McFadden's. The Italian sees me and comes to talk to me...
  37. The Italian: "Omari, you always dress so nice when I see you."
  39. And before I can even respond, all of my buddies flock to her like vultures over dead meat. I leave at this point to go use the restroom, but when I return, she's gone. My guess? They were drowning her with their drool. You guys gotta learn to chill out sometimes. Calm down.

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